


Beard Burns and How to Treat Them

by Salty_Caramel



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Beard burns, I'm Sorry, M/M, Overuse of Social Media text, all skin rashes should be taken seriously, bad attempts at comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 19:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13107372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_Caramel/pseuds/Salty_Caramel
Summary: “He likes to go down on me.”Phichit raises an eyebrow. “I fail to see the problem.”“Phichit, I haverashes.”Victor retires and grows a beard.Yuuri deals with the consequences.(Which is fine. He just wishes #Daddyforov would stop trending already.)





	Beard Burns and How to Treat Them

**Author's Note:**

> This is Salty who is very salty about writing this at 2AM, but this whole bearded Victor thing is just DOING things to me and I can't help it.
> 
> This is the result. 
> 
> (Will edit later.)
> 
> Inspired by all the things floating around about Victor with a beard because _hot damn_.
> 
> (Sorry to everyone who became my social media people. I love you all.)

**Milly-GPF2018 @bunniesonice**

_– 162 replies, 802 retweets, 1.2k likes_

ok so Yuri Katsuki just arrived at morning practice #SkateAmerica with this hot older guy with a real nice beard and all and it took me ages to realise it was @v-nikiforov !?!?!!

_Image_

 

**Victor+Yuuris thighs @alisson1990**

_Replying to @bunniesonice_

hELLO THERE DADDY (tongue emoji) #DADDYFOROV – _12 replies, 191 retweets, 519 likes_

 

**Chris-for-gold-GPF2018 @giaco-my-tits**

_Replying to @bunniesonice_

OMFG HE’S DADDY AF #RIPYuuriKatsukisFace – _1 reply, 4 retweets, 25 likes_

 

**SILVER FOX @victor-niliforov2015**

_Replying to @alisson1990_

BEST TAG #DADDYFOROV @giaco-my-tits more like #ripKatsukisThighs – _1 reply, 28 retweets, 94 likes_

 

**Grand Phyx Figure Skating 2018 @phyxalia**

_Replying to @victor-niliforov2015_

SIGN ME THE FUCK UP – 1 reply, 5 retweets, 37 likes

-

After one final, very successful season as a competitor _and_ as Two-Time World Championship Gold Medallist Katsuki Yuuri’s Coach and Fiancé (all capitalised on his Instagram account in a post featuring said skater and said second gold medal), Victor officially retires from men’s figure skating.

 _For good_ , he assures his long-suffering coach and still-suffering fans, but also reassures them (mostly through appreciative photos and captions of Yuuri hard at work in practice, reposted to all his social media) that his coaching career is blooming and that his lovely fiancé and protégé, _reigning World Champion Katsuki Yuuri_ , still has many seasons left in him.

“Maybe one or two,” Yuuri argues, but Victor knows it is all nonsense and Yuuri will be skating competitively until he’s well into his thirties, or they become otherwise occupied. Such as, adopting five more poodles. _At least_.

(#poodlegate and #iskatsukipregnant luckily don’t trend internationally.)

Quickly following the news of Victor’s retirement, however, is the long anticipated Katsuki-Nikiforov wedding, which leads to much discourse and several confused fans who had been led to believe it had already taken place years ago (thanks @phichit+chu).

In the weeks leading up to the affair, which, according to sources (i.e. selfies from the attending guests) is to take place in Yuuri’s hometown in Kyushu, several skaters and dedicated fans took to the comment sections beneath Victor’s many wedding-prep photos to express their nostalgia over the couple’s journey and wish them well on the road ahead.

**MERHOElii @linneakou**

I can’t believe it’s finally happening!!! #Victuri #LoveWins #Goodluck – _129 replies, 937 retweets, 2.5k likes_

**Izzy @thepondmother**

ok but I legit forget that Yuuri and @v-nikiforov aren’t married yet I just feel like they always have been #StammiVicino #Victuri – _30 replies, 302 retweets, 843 likes_

After the event passes, everyone is left (thirsting) with a surprisingly scarce amount of honeymoon selfies from the otherwise very camera trigger-happy Living Legend.

Sure, the tasteful shot of their hands clasped together and wedding bands glinting in the setting sun of a tropical paradise (captioned simply “Finally.”) rakes in nearly half a million likes and is featured in several relationship-goals buzzfeed articles, but there is no secret that every Katsuki fan out there had been looking forward to even _tastier_ candids, which their internet-shy idol regularly denies them. (Being a Yuuri stan can be though.)

Then follows an entire summer of radio silence.

The draught is intense. Victor’s next post, the long awaited splash of rain, doesn’t appear before well into August. It’s a short video of Yuuri gearing up for the new season by landing Victor’s former ( _now-Yuuri’s)_ signature jump with striking precision.

While v-nikiforov goes back to posting regularly from then on, in the months leading up to the Grand Prix the account contains hardly anything of Victor himself, aside from the occasional hand or limb that gets into a shot of Yuuri Katsuki or their beloved, seemingly immortal Makkachin.

Fans voice their displeasure in the comments and on twitter, speculating everything from illness to Yuuri manipulating him for self-promotion (Phichit has never laughed so hard) to Victor being simply so stupidly in love with his _husband_ that he has forgotten to bless the world with his own visage.

So when Skate America finally arrives, fans are considerably _starved_ for content and no hand is ever very far away from the camera app shutter in hopes of catching a shot of the man they’ve missed so much these past months.

Therefore, people are considerably confused when Katsuki Yuuri shows up to morning practice with a gentleman in a full three-piece suit and a magnificent, full beard—until said man is heard shouting out to the skater in a very familiar voice that “Your free-leg is sloppy _zoloste_ ” and all hell breaks loose.

**moonslayer-al @adjit**

when bae ages hella fine @v-nikiforv #Beardgate2018 #DADDYFOROV – _15 replies, 78 retweets, 472 likes_

**Christophe Giacometti @christophe-gc**

My new favourite thing #daddyforov

Image: Victor Nikiforov, sporting a full face of well-groomed beard, coat off and shirt rolled up to his elbows, holding a steaming cup of coffee, standing next to Yuuri Katsuki in the Skate America post-practice interviews

– _452 replies, 5.1k retweets, 16.5k likes_

**Emily @tbiris**

_Replying to @christophe-gc_

I would like to thank not only God, but also Russian Jesus #daddyforov – _7 replies, 169 retweets, 569 likes_

The tag has already exploded all over several social media platforms, including facebook, pintrest and tumblr, when Nikiforov himself takes the stage and posts the most artful selfie featuring himself, lounging on pristine white hotel sheets, lighting hitting his eyes _just so_ as he looks playfully into the camera, silver fringe laying perfectly curled over his brow and one hand teasingly playing with the full, groomed brush of gorgeous, silvery beard.

219,612 likes

 **v-nikiforov** Hard work pays off. _#retiredlife_

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 **phichit+chu** looking good victor!

 **sachiro** guys, you don’t understand it looks so smooth it must have taken ages to grow this thick quality beard takes WORK

 **adreamingsongbird** @v-nikiforov looking SO good as always, please don’t hide your beautiful face from us again

 **topcatnikki** #DADDYFOROV THE THIRST IS REAL

-

Phichit visits them in Saint Petersburg just after the Grand Prix final.

Thailand’s Ice Prince, and newly made GPF bronze medallist, insist on taking Yuuri (his best friends, former rink mate at #detroitskatingclub and GPF _gold medallist_ , all of which goes into the caption for their ‘Look who I bumped into’ selfie) out to see the sights, just the two of them.

While they really do go out and take pictures at all the landmarks they can be bothered with, Phichit armed with his trusty selfie stick and portable phone charger, it is all actually a guise for finding room to talk, on Yuuri’s request, about certain… problems he has encountered as of late. Phichit isn’t privy to the exact nature of them yet, but has already taken a few educated guesses (some of which involves him possibly becoming a godparent soon), which he mulls over as they walk away from the fabulous Winter Palace in search of a coffee shop to escape the Russian December cold.

His not quite diet approved mocha arrives at the pick-up counter, along with a slice of carrot cake his sweet tooth insists he must try. Phichit takes his tray and goes to sit with Yuuri at a table set in the corner of the establishment, away from the windows and from prying eyes, if not listening ears.

The shop is moderately busy, so he’s not too worried about someone hearing something they should not and spreading it to more people who should not hear said something. But Victor Nikiforov is Russia’s Living Legend, and while Katsuki Yuuri has earned his own merit for his achievements and as Victor’s husband, hardly anyone recognises Yuuri off-ice as it is, and Phichit Chulanont is nobody in Saint Petersburg to anyone but die hard figure skating fans. Chances are they will be left alone: just two foreign tourists looking to keep warm.

And yet, seated in this café, hands warming around a cup of steaming tea, Yuuri is _squirming_ in his seat as if he’s very uncomfortable just _sitting_ and somehow Phichit knows he’ll be in for a _very_ interesting conversation.

“Ahh, it sure is cold outside. Good thing we can be toasty and warm inside when it gets like this, huh.” Phichit smiles as he sits down, shrugging his coat off to hang over the chair.

“Mm.” In the seat across from him, Yuuri smiles back, a little wryly. “Thank you for coming out with me today.”

“It’s fine! No problem at all,” Phichit beams while he arranges his drink, his fork and his cake on the table, ready to eat. “It’s not like I’m suffering, travelling to Russia on a celebratory break. I’m having fun. And thanks for the selfies! My followers love it when I say I’m hanging with you. Since you hardly post anything, a lot of your fans depend on me, you know. I think you should use your media more!”

Yuuri’s soft smile turns into more of a wince, teeth worrying his lip into the same red shade that seems to have become permanent on his face since Phichit has arrived… or, maybe even before that. He can remember vaguely (from when he was selecting which images to post on his Instagram) Yuuri’s face carrying a similar flush even throughout the Grand Prix Final. The redness is especially prominent around his nose and mouth…

 _Cold sore?_ Phichit wonders, but doesn’t comment when Yuuri begins to talk.

“I’m actually… I tried looking a little, but it’s all becoming a bit much,” he confesses, looking a little apologetic while his fingers clench around his cup.

“How so?” Phichit asks around a piece of carrot cake. _Delicious. Can’t post a picture though, Ciao Ciao might see._

Yuuri sighs softly, gaze fixing on Phichit’s cooling drink. “It’s just… In the end it comes back to Victor, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.”

Phichit hums, pressing, “What about Victor?”

His friend squirms a little again, shuffling around to get comfortable. “He… after our wedding, he decided to grow his beard, as you know. At first, he joked a little about making up for his hair loss—”

“—which only exists in his head, probably. Go on.”

Yuuri’s lips quirks a little. “He said he really wanted to try it, that maybe people would take him a little more seriously if he looked the part. So I said I wouldn’t mind and… well…” He stops and swallows heavily before continuing, just above a whisper, “He looks so good. _Really good_.”

“Damn right he does,” Phichit agrees. He can list 10 trending tags on the top of his head that all occurred post-beardgate2018.

“So I can’t ask him to shave it off.”

Phichit’s world crashes for a second in a train wreck of ‘ _would Victor mind if I called him daddy AF in a comment on his next selfie’_ and ‘ _what is IN this FROSTING’._ He reels himself in, quickly, though. He seems to have severely underestimated the scope of this situation if Katsuki Yuuri, Victor’s designated number one fan and surely _worshipper of all things Victor_ , would propose such ludicrous things.

Out loud, he says, “ _Why_ , in in Victor’s blessed insta stories’ name, would you want that _?_ ”

“I-It’s not that I don’t like it,” Yuuri defends hurriedly. “It’s just… when doing certain things… it can be… bothersome.”

“Like, eating ramen?” Phichit suggests, thinking of all the things that might have gotten stuck in foodie beards through the years, and Victor was definitely a foodie, now complete with a bush of his own.

At least he knows, from Victor’s extensive documentation, that his best friend’s husband has dedicated a lot of time and effort into learning to groom his beard; the chances for week-old crumbs and other less desirable things showing up in his mane is probably zero, or as close to as one can get.

While Phichit considers all this, Yuuri seems to be bracing himself for what he’s about to say. He takes a deep breath and then looks his friend directly in the eyes.

“He likes to go down on me.”

Phichit raises an eyebrow. “I fail to see the problem.”

“Phichit, I have _rashes_.”

“Oh.” Suddenly, everything clicks into place. “ _Oh_. Oh-Em-Gee. Twitter was right.”

Yuuri’s brow furrows. “What?”

“Hashtag rest in peace Katsuki’s thighs twenty-eighteen,” he mumbles a bit too quickly for Yuuri to catch on. Louder, he says, “They’re not cold sores. You have _beard burns_.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Yuuri whines into his tea. “I have them literally _everywhere_. And I think people _know_.”

“Well unless you tell people, they wouldn’t know,” Phichit tries to reassure him. He certainly hadn’t known until Yuuri had pointed it out to him. He sometimes wishes he could stop thinking about five different things at a time. Perhaps his sense of perception would increase dramatically.

“Phichit,” Yuuri says seriously then. “The last time I logged into my twitter, someone sent me an article called ‘nine tricks for soothing and preventing beard burns’. Why would they do that if they didn’t _know_?”

“Comedy. Or lucky guess,” he reasons, shrugging. “…and? Did you try them out?”

Yuuri squirms a little; by now, he can guess why that is. Skin rashes probably don’t feel nice in denim. “I did. It’s just…”

“They didn’t work?” Phichit wrinkles his nose; the mocha was pretty horrible when lukewarm.

Yuuri sighs deeply. “I don’t think there is enough aloe and shea butter in the _world_ to help me. Victor can get… _enthusiastic_.”

Well, Phichit thinks that anyone lucky enough to regularly be between Katsuki Yuuri’s gorgeous thighs would be very likely to display considerable amounts of enthusiasm for it, too. _Can’t blame a man for quenching his thirst._

“Have you tried talking to him?” Phichit suggests then. “Communication is key, you know. If he does anything that hurts you, maybe you should ask him to stop. Maybe try something else instead?”

Yuuri’s face flushes redder than the rash around his chin and nose. He murmurs something that Phichit can’t quite catch.

“Sorry? You have to speak louder, Yuuri.”

“ _I like it._ ” Yuuri buries his face in his hands. “ _A lot_. I love how it feels when he rubs it against me, _all over me_. He’s just— _amazing._ I don’t _want_ him to stop.”

“Ah,” Phichit can see that. “Yeah. Totally hashtag daddyforov.”

Yuuri groans. “Please don’t use that term.”

“It still gets hundreds of tweets every day, you know.”

“I wish it would die already.”

“Admit it, Yuuri,” Phichit teases. “Victor with that beard is daddy material as _fuck_.”

“ _I know_ ,” and Yuuri is _pouting_ , Phichit swears. “I just don’t need everyone else to know, too.”

Ah, so that’s what it is.

“You’re jealous.”

Yuuri startles at the accusation. “W-Why would I be? We’re married.”

“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt,” Phichit all but sign-songs. “You know literally everyone on the internet wants Victor to raw them after he showed up at Skate America looking like the top of a males-over-30 GQ list. You want them to know he’s yours.”

Yuuri is silent for a long moment, and Phichit knows he’s hit home. Smiling, he reaches across the table to touch Yuuri’s shoulder, reassuringly.

“Luckily, I know just how to fix that.” He gets up and begins dressing; the coffee was shit anyway. “Let’s get you back home. I know just what to do to blow the internet and Victor’s collective minds.”

Yuuri looks at him for a moment longer, then nods and reaches for his coat.

-

_Image: Yuuri dressed in a loose t-shirt and form-fitting black briefs, sitting on a bed with creme, Egyptian cotton sheets, rubbing shea butter into the red skin of his bulging inner thighs, looking casually into the camera as if he is not Eros reincarnated_

273,069 likes

 **y-katsuki** they get worse in the winter, I hear.

Load more comments

 **maja** weve been blessed

 **burblordmary** #Beardgate2018 #NEXTLEVEL

 **v-nikiforov** YUUUURI ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading x
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://saltycaramel1394.tumblr.com/)


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